A thought for June from Your Critical Friend

It is June. The sun has been shining which is just as well as some horrible things are happening around us. We are all devastated and sending sympathy to those who have been affected and praising our wonderful emergency services. Most of us are hanging on to doing normal things and living ordinary lives so I am writing this from that viewpoint. Let’s enjoy the fantastic lives we have.

 
Family Bike Ride
 

I was talking last month about finding clients’ mojos and judging by my Inbox this struck a chord with many of you.

As part of the work I am doing with those clients we are looking at how we treat ourselves. The answer is not very well. My clients beat themselves up for everything and put themselves down at every opportunity. They blame themselves for being no good at anything and say things to themselves that they would be horrified if anyone else said. They would not tolerate it if they heard other people saying these things to anyone who worked on their team. They might use words like unreasonable or even say it is bullying. We tell our subconscious what to believe and act on in many ways – how we treat ourselves, with what we surround ourselves and what we say to ourselves.

These days most people know something about how the subconscious works; that it is working on at least ninety per cent of our stuff; that it is a little child within us trying to protect us; and if we do not send it messages it will fill the gap!  The most important thing about the subconscious is that it believes what we tell it and it does not know the difference between reality and imagination.

How are you treating yourself?

Let’s start with the simple stuff. The first simple fix is, are you putting the right fuel into your subconscious’ fuel tank? This means:

  • Sleeping long enough and well (more often than not).
  • Working sensible hours (the majority of the time).
  • Relaxing.
  • Eating properly (most of the time).
  • Exercising.
  • Socialising with people who enrich your life.
  • Seeing the sun.

I know that this sounds a lot but these are the jigsaw pieces that make up a happy, healthy, productive life. And I am only asking most of the time! If you need professional help in any of these areas then get it, now!

The second easy fix is to look at your subconscious’ environment. Is it enhancing your performance? This means:

  • Have you the space that you need?
  • Have you the light you need?
  • Is it warm when the weather is cold and cool when the weather is hot?
  • Is it well ventilated?
  • Do you work best in quiet (and is it?) or with some background sound (have you got it?)?
  • Are you sitting in a comfortable chair?
  • Have you all the equipment you need? And properly arranged, close at hand?
  • Is it sending the right messages and enhancing your environment?
  • Is there anything else that makes you feel good in your work place?

This sounds a lot especially if money is short but do the best you can to enjoy the space you spend time in.

The third fix is not so easy. It is how you manage your relationship with yourself. Do you treat yourself kindly?
It means:

  • Listening to how you speak to yourself and being positive and not judgemental.
  • Catching yourself doing something right and saying well done.
  • Catching those negative thoughts and deleting them before they take hold.
  • If you are not so good at something then do not punish yourself, do something about it – learning and training are lifetime activities and fun!
  • Do things you enjoy. If there is lots of stuff you hate then delegate it.

All this looks easy when it is written down but it is not. Depending on how much of a bully you have become it takes time – take it one step at a time and do not give up! You may well need someone like me to help you and make you laugh! Or you may need a good hypnotherapist or NLP Practitioner. If you do I can recommend some great people.

None of this is original.  This stuff is particular to you. It is worthy of many books (and there are many). Of necessity, I can only scratch the surface and generalise widely. There are two important messages here. Firstly, this is a common issue and secondly if you are managing yourself unfairly recognise it and then craft a plan to deal with it bit by bit.

If this has been interesting, please share it. If you are thinking of working with a mentor, please chat with me about what you are hoping to achieve. I might be the right person for you or I can help you find someone who is. In the meantime, life is good; let’s live it to the full and be the best we can be.