My Mum passed away from cancer at Christmas 20 years ago. She was 47 years old and like so many other cancer patients, was too young to die. At the time I was just 26.
I worried for a long time after, that because of similarities between my Mum and I, I was also going to die young from cancer. I went to the doctors quite a few times over the next 5 years to take blood tests to make sure there was nothing sinister showing up in my blood.
I have never smoked, I eat healthily and exercise regularly so over time, I let this notion go and got on with my life very rarely making a Doctors visit at all.
Then around 2 years ago, I did the 3 peaks challenge and shortly after getting back home I got a really bad UTI which developed into an even worse Kidney infection. When I started to pee blood I thought “I should see a doctor.” They couldn’t quite work out what was going on and put it down to a bad infection caused by drinking bacteria contaminated water during my challenge.
This went on for weeks. When it finally went I was left feeling very drained and still not 100% and I put that down to post infection fatigue!
However, over the next 12 months I developed all manor of problems with my kidneys, liver and heart and it was put down to the bacteria coursing through my internal system.
The upshot was that over 12-18 months I was just ill. I lost weight (which I can ill afford to do!) and one thing after another went wrong and I just did not feel right for months. All my friends and family were secretly worried about me.
My birthday is in July and in 2017 I turned 46. The same age as my Mum when she was diagnosed with cancer in December 1997. I was still not right.
In December 2017, just after Christmas, I was sitting quietly reading a book (Sydney Banks – ‘Liza’, I highly recommend it) and I had an amazing light bulb moment. I had the sudden realisation that all this time, all this illness, I had been doing this to myself.
I realised that somewhere inside me, I still held onto the belief that I would die at 47. This unconscious belief was making me ill.
Of course, I already knew that my thoughts would create a feeling and then a behaviour – its part of what I coach for goodness sake! But I heard something – NO felt something, when reading this book and it opened the black out curtains for me.
Its so true that the body follows the mind, and my mind – my unconscious mind, was manifesting this illness in me because I believed unconsciously, that I would get ill and die young just like my Mum.
All of a sudden I understood – I felt the truth about where it was all coming from. I instantly felt amazing, really very well. I had more energy and to be honest I hadn’t realised until this point how ill I had felt over the last 18 months. I promise you it was that quick! This amazing feeling came over me – like being enveloped in love and I knew that from that day on I would be just fine.
It has shown me beyond doubt that the connection between mind and body is so much more powerful than we think.
In 1998, I had written, directed and took the lead role in the movie of my life. I had predicted the future and believed it to be true and even though I had stopped playing this movie 15 years ago – the belief was still there. The movie was playing quietly in an old cinema at the back of my unconscious movie theatre and was just waiting for the right time to come true!
So – can you thoughts be making you ill? Well yes and I don’t just believe it, I truly know, that your thinking can make you ill. I’ve experienced it.
Of course, there are illnesses that are a natural consequence of being human and I’m not saying for 1 second to ignore symptoms simply putting them down to your thinking. Always get these things checked out by a Doctor. My Mum didn’t manifest her cancer and could not have simply imagined it away.
But there are times when illness is just feedback. Feedback from your soul not being nourished. Feedback from your body missing something. Feedback from Universal Mind that you have hit a speed bump and that this road is not the road for you.
So what do I do now? I take any ill health symptoms as a direct sign that I am out of balance with life. That I have hit a speed bump in the road and I am either going too fast or I am on the wrong road. I understand that it’s just a disruptive thought creating an ill feeling and I don’t allow it to take control (or take root!)
I can’t control my thoughts – none of us can, but I do have the choice not to allow them to control me.
”We are all just one thought away from mental health”. Sydney Banks